eternalturnkey | Taoists?

"I want too much and it is conflicting. What am I to do with such feelings? It is frightening at times, how can I think of wanting to be in control? How can I think of holding you down? If I indulged in such things... what would happen? What if I gave offence? What if it was forsaking all that was left of my femininity?"

Firmness... what was firmness? What would be acceptable firmness....

"When have I ever punished you for affection? I'm drawing something of a blank on that scenario. Furthermore, what would happen, I wonder? I think you'd get a chance to sit astride me for a while and enjoy my reactions for once. It doesn't eliminate your femininity, we're both girls, it's only natural that such a role would temporarily be taken up by one side or the other. Someone has to do some work, after all," her stance relaxed a bit, and she looked into the hallway once more.

"Nevermind, Tojiko, stand down for now. The order is rescinded."

She turned back to Futo, closing the door behind her and stepping back into the room. "If you offend me, somehow, what do you think is going to happen? Look at all of these things which you've said to me, and still I find patience to give to you, still I find an ear to give to your voice. If you offend me in a personal relationship, I will simply tell you that it is as such. Sometimes, it will depend on my mood; sometimes I will not want to end up pinned and held down beneath you. Sometimes I will. You can't predict those things like I can. So you just have to trust that I will tell you, without being hurt, that I'm not in the mood for such a thing, and you will honor that, and we will move on."

"You were ready to toss me aside for the offence I caused you...."

She did not feel confident, yes she was being heard now... but it felt like a last minute save.

She crouched down as if trying to make herself a small ball on the floor.

"And I logically still should," the edge was going from her voice, but was replaced by something cold and harsh. "Because the root of the problem still has not been fixed, even if the tempers have been calmed."

She walked around Futo, making it a point to not aid her in her withdrawal. "The choice is still in the air." Then, she sat where she had been before. "If you can't decide then just leave. Now. If it's too much for you, then just leave. If you can't handle living as only a servant because of your own indecision, then just leave.

If all you're going to be capable of is getting emotional and dragging your feet, it means you didn't feel as strongly as you said you did, and you don't actually need that connection to me, and so you should be able to live fine on your own. These are your parameters, you set it up this way. So make a choice, or get out."

The words were harsh, they hurt, and they made her question how much of everything was her own deluded needs rather than true worth.

"What would you have me do?" she needed to know, there were too many wrong answers to take.

"I tell you to make a decision, and yet here you are asking me about it," Miko made a disappointed noise, turning away. "I told you to make a choice or leave. And since you're clearly and obviously not going to make that choice, then the choice is made to leave."

She started arranging the ink and brush for continuing her calligraphy work. "Now I don't feel remorse for it, since you didn't want it to begin with. Good bye, Mononobe no Futsuhime."

"I have made a decision and yet you ask more! I want much and feel it is more than you so wish. You claim it is less yet your callousness does not reassure. What display would not be rejected in such a mood? I would give you all I have to give, and would wish to take what there is to take. But you are angry and tired with me already. I am most hesitant to do more that could possibly increase your anger, and yet that too brings anger upon me. I am inclined to give up and do what I wish regardless of your wrath."

Edited 2013-05-06 16:44 (UTC)

"You have made no such decision. You have said nothing to me but uncertainty. And so I have made a decision; you have dragged your feet for too long. Again, good bye, Mononobe. You're dismissed from my service," and already she was starting on her next task. "Leave swiftly, I have other matters to attend to."

"And yet I stay wishing to alleviate this doubt and work on moving forward... there is no uncertainty in my heart on my feelings, simply how to act on them. But you inspire no confidence to act. A tentative line of which I stand, a single whim of one way or another that can build and destroy.... You have the right to throw me out and listen no more, yet I have no right to demand you hear me. If we were of equal standing this would not be a worry...." If Miko cared so little, why did she still care so much? "Give me another chance."

But there was no answer, simply Miko looking over her work for a moment, before continuing on with the thought that had been interrupted by Futo's arrival. Her hand remained steady as she drew, and the calligraphy was as neat as it had ever been.

There were already enough chances given. Miko's patience was gone. Done. Nothing more to be said. Futo was dismissed. So she needed to leave. If she didn't soon, Miko would go and get Tojiko once again, and Futo would be thrown out like an uninvited intruder. Because at that point, she would be.

But Miko mentioned none of that. Instead, she patiently waited for Futo to understand it was over. She had no more patience for more 'tries'.

What she had hoped this little talk would end with was never going to happen now. And so, it wasn't worth continuing anymore.

She had Tojiko. All would be fine. Tojiko wouldn't fumble.

"I am a fool... a used fool...."

Well, if Miko wanted her gone she was only leaving under one condition. If it had come to that, so be it. If she was worthless used goods, dispose of her properly.

Another long pause, then Miko sighed and stood up. "You're an indecisive idiot, actually. Had you a little more strength in your convictions and intentions, we'd both be on the tatami where you are, in each other's arms, and looking forward to the first tentative steps to a new life with new relationship boundaries, and an eternity never without each other's love."

She began to walk to the door. "But you clearly can't handle that. And you clearly don't want to. Oh you may want to, but your actions do not support it."

The door slid open. "Though I suppose I could expect nothing more from you. Now, you've finally ruined the last of the Mononobe, as it has been all you've been capable of from the beginning."

She stuck her head out into the hallway. "Tojiko, there is an uninvited guest here who is refusing my asking them nicely to leave. Come along and let us get rid of them, now, so we may live our lives uninterrupted."

"Is it not bad form to throw you down when you are angry and kicking me out?"

"You truly are an idiot. I said 'had you a little more strength in your convictions and intentions', meaning this situation would never have happened in the first place," She leaned back against the door frame, waiting for Tojiko to arrive.

"These signals are mixed! I do not have the benefit of knowing what would truly anger you, being told what you would say no to is not comforting," it was a very vexing situation. But fine, if this was how things would be... why bother trying to patch anything? She would follow through with her earlier threat.

She reached into her sleeve and walked towards the door. When she was right in front of Miko she looked down at her with a firm expression, and without turning away pulled a charm out and slammed it hard against the seem of the door making it a seal. She did not remove her hand, and held the imposing position.

She was angry, she was upset, and she was sure everything she was doing was wrong, at at the same time there was relief to release it all.

If Miko spoke or moved in response to her actions of imprisonment, she didn't hear or see. Instead she allowed the restraint to fall to the side and let these strong feelings run their course. She grabbed Miko's collar and kissed her firmly on the mouth. Consequences be damned.

"Fine. I'll admit it: I don't know, either, and if you -" but she cut off as a strange desire - especially from Futo - pervaded her ears, and she heard the other woman get up.

She turned back just in time to... not flinch as Futo arrived, pinning her against the wall, and the familiar thrum of magic through her as the charm went to work, her body locking up a bit on her.

She would've had the briefest twinge of fear if she didn't already know where this was going. Futo wasn't going to stab her but...

... A moment later, she was being kissed, and she felt her heart leap into her throat. Not out of fear, but because no matter how she tried to deny it and push it away, she loved Futo. And one argument over the span of only a few handfuls of minutes wouldn't just erase those feelings so easily. But though her mind raced so heavily she barely heard Tojiko attempting to speak to her as the ghost arrived, she couldn't not want that kiss. She couldn't tell her body not to melt into the touch. She couldn't tell her body and her heart and all her emotions that she was supposed to still be angry and this wasn't going anywhere. They didn't want to listen anyway.

There was a feeling similar to wanting to stab Miko, though not quite the same. It was those feelings she feared so much all pouring out. The feelings of annoyance, of wanting control, and in this case slight revenge. She would take control, and she would she what she meant and what she feared.

Her free hand pulled out another charm and she slapped it forcefully to the door, this one specifically designed to quiet Tojiko's voice and keep her out and away.

After a time that felt too long she finally broke the kiss with a gasp, though did not let go, if anything her grip was tighter.

If she was expecting anything from Miko than a cool look of rippled neutrality - something almost unreadable, then she wouldn't get it. After all, Futo was finally getting to expend her will of dominance on someone with an already dominant personality.

And though Miko's lips tingled and her heart continued to race, she wasn't any less firm than she had been before, grip on her collar or not.

But she didn't say anything. Not yet. Let Futo have her moment.

She wasn't expecting anything, she needed breath and moment to catch up. So she hadn't been rejected, but she was no longer looking for approval. If this was how things had to be, let Miko force her if she must. If her feelings and words were not reaching her, let her actions be felt.

But now was the point of no return, though she had already felt she passed that point. She would continue until these feelings had worked themselves out, or until something was done. Both her hands went to pulling at Miko's front, undoing what she could so neck and shoulders could be exposed. And instead of forcing another kiss on Miko she went to her neck and collarbone.

She didn't particularly want to stop Futo. To interrupt her train of thought, but in the end, she did.

"Is this what it is, then?" she spoke softly, with most of the edge - cold and sharp both - gone. Something about Futo's touch had her calmed. Had her...

Well. Had her head tilted slightly to expose more of her neck.

She didn't want to answer, it felt as if answering would just crumble her. Take the momentum away. Return her to caring and worry and requests. Though even in this moment of heightened aggression she had to stop to answer.

"This is the path that has been forced open... this is the torrent of the river flowing down," she was the river, and at Miko's exposed neck she did not hold back from it.

You could not say she was killing her exactly, it was closer to a light biting, pulling at the skin.

"And this is the worst you can think of to do to me?" She gasped a little at the teeth on her neck. But still, there was no resistance.

Worst? No. She had only started after all, and she was hardly abated yet. She was still working on stripping Miko, which she had only stopped for a moment in. Exposing her chest and shoulders was only a first step. As she pulled and sucked at the skin she further removed Miko's clothing as she came upon it. Ready to push her down to the floor and pin her harder against the door.

The flood gates were open, and this was what Futo decided to do with that rush of energy.

... Really, if she was trying to make Miko uncomfortable, she'd have to do something a lot less desirable than this.

But though Futo continued on, Miko didn't do much by means of aid, even if she put up no resistance. She was going to let Futo guide things, absolutely. It seemed to be what she wanted, after all.

Her aim was not to make Miko uncomfortable, but what she wanted was still clouded. A wordless desire that she could only vaguely follow.

This wouldn't work, a different way. The logistics of her actions was slowing her down. But somewhere in between her frustrated clutching she moved to pin Miko to the floor, similarly to what she had done several days ago. This time however she held her down harder, holding her wrists instead of her hands, and held them down above Miko's head. Instead of being fully astride her she had her thigh between her legs, and pressed her knee up in between.

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